he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
