no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
