Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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