apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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