Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
