just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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