he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
