My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
