I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
