Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
