Is it normal to miss your booty call?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
