I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
