Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
