Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
