One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
