tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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