I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
