Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
