she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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