i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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