she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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