im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
