No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
