Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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