Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
