i just google imaged poop.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
