1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
