At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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