How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
