Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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