i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
