There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
