I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He better not be in your backpack
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
