So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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