No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
