Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
