Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This baby is an asshole
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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