yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
