I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
