Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
