I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
