i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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