She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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