So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
