he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
