I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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