I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
