OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
