I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
