Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
