i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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