It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
