I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
