I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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